The Camera Doesn't Lie, Does it?

So you have gotten the latest facial and chemical peels and Restylane and fat cells; you've been injected and prodded, stretched and peeled and whatever else.  You look good!   Sure you were covered in pure gold for an hour last week, but it was necessary.  It also cost you pure gold as well.  But you figure, you know what, it is worth it, I am in a high profile profession, anything to look my best.  And you do. You look fantastic.  Guys in their twenties find you hotter than ever.  Your friends ask you what you are doing for your skin because it looks so supple.  Last week you even went out for the twenty-something, best friend.  Work it baby, aging is not a problem for you!

Then you get a call from your agent, "Hey fabulous, I have an audition for you, hot national campaign-call me back."

You're ego is on fire.  "Hey Jeff!"

Let's call him Jeff, isn't that every agent's name.

"Hey it's me, what's up?  You said you had a hot national spot for me to go out on", you cockily retort.

 "Oh yeah one sec, let me just look it up…Oh yeah here it is.  This is a national campaign with Jaimie Lee Curtis.  You will make big bucks on this and it travels to Spain, five day shoot", he squeals.

 "Okay, okay, what is it?" you snap.  

"Right, the address, you are going to is,  Save Me the Bull Casting, 1111 Cahuenga in Hollywood, the role is Executive Mom, the product is Detrol LA."

 Silence… More Silence… Then, "Fabulous,hello... where are you?  Did I lose you?" he innocently asks.

Finally you scream, "What did you say?"

The Tibetan monks are even disturbed, all the way in Tibet that is, you scream so loud!  "Did you say Detrol, Detrol?" you bark.

"Yeah, look, they called you. I think they are going young on this, Fabulous", he voices softly.

 "Detrol is for women who pee themselves!  Young, young, is that the demographic for women who pee themselves?!"

 "Fabulous, do you not want it?  I'll give it to someone else.  But you were picture picked by the Director", he sells. 

"Fine, no I need the money.  I 'll go", you huff now deflated.

You book it. Spain was amazing, now what?  What does that mean are you in the Detrol age category now.  No, no of course not, this was a fluke.  I look good!  Then the following week you go for the early thirties girl-friend.  Okay.  This is acceptable, the right age range.  Good, it was a fluke.  Things are back to normal.  You are once again clear in what age category in the industry you fit.  

Terrific, you are back on track.  And it doesn't hurt that you are making dough from the Detrol commercial.  It's not too embarrassing.  Your friends, people who know you, think you look way too young for this anyway.    So now you are back to your old, ahem, young self, and you are hotter than ever with your agent.  And oh, there he is calling you now, another audition.  Wow you are feeling on fire!  You press play for the voicemail:

"Hey Fabulous, it's me, Jeff.  I got an audition for you tomorrow for Grey's Anatomy.  The address where you are going is, Gimme a Break Casting, the role is Young Grandmother and this is a Guest Star, big.  You were picture-picked by the Director." 

You hang up and reach for the bottle of Whiskey but decide the better choice is to call Mom.  She always heals your boo-boos. 

Flash forward..Jim Beam was the better choice.  Mom's advice: Bubbola, somebody's gotta play those parts.  It may as well be you.

 Even mom is making you act your age!

 Law school, now there's a thought.

 -- Heather Langone

Comments

[Awww]

Awww... this articles makes me think of Phoebe Price who claims to be 29, but in real life looks 36-37...