Unscripted

Emergency!

Sunday night, a friend and I went to see Daniel Beaty's one-man show, "Emergency", at the http://www.geffenplayhouse.com/>. I have been looking forward to it for two months now, so when he took the stage, I was pretty hyped.

I was unsure as to how to blog about this. As a fellow thespian, I
truly appreciate the fortitude it takes to do something like this, but I have mixed feelings.

Daniel Beaty is a consummate performer. Talented, insightful, and well-trained. A finely-tuned instrument with a commanding vocal range rarely seen these days. That said, I'm glad we bought the tickets half-price on Goldstar.com, because otherwise I would have been disappointed, and I really hate to have to say that.

The performance itself was amazing. For 80 minutes, Mr. Beaty artfully and seamlessly slipped from one character to the next without a hitch. Again, his acting was nothing short of brilliant. The writing? Not so much. It was like watching a race car driver in a Yugo: No matter how skillful the driver is, the vehicle limits the ride. I don't want to give the story away, but the premise had a promising start and just seemed to get weaker and weaker, as it took a backseat to the character portrayals and the poetry interspersed throughout.

I've seen mixed reviews, and now I understand why. Some people appeared to be bothered by the language (there was some cursing, but it was minimal) at times, and others appeared to be disturbed by some of the subject matter (racial issues). It's impossible to please EVERYONE, and the best art is usually controversial enough to ruffle some feathers, but the audience didn't seem to have much energy, and the energy of the audience is important as well. Some people got up & walked out during the performance, and I saw quite a few people sleeping, including my friend, who later said that he just didn't feel that the story was compelling. I'd have to agree.

It's worth seeing, just for the caliber of the performance alone. I did find inspiration in it, so I didn't walk away empty, but unfortunately I can't say it's "must-see" theatre.

--Nicole J. Butler

Brushing Up On My Latin

Now, lest you think I'm a neglectful mother, let me preface this by saying my daughter went with her father to San Diego for the weekend, so that's why I happen to get two weekend nights out in a row. I'm not just dumping her with a sitter. And man did I USE these nights. When this little red hen gets a night out, or two nights out...I get OUT. Last night was the movie premiere (sort of) with friends... tonight was SALSA dancing with a guy I met in a Whole Foods well over a month ago. I don't think a man has ever taken me dancing before...so I had to go.

Here's what I LOOOOOOOOOOVE about Latin culture. Dancing is in their blood, their hair, their sweat. I was a little nervous about going to the club because I'm not a clubbing kinda girl...except tonight I just realized that I AM. I freakin love to dance. Movement, is in MY blood, my sweat... you get the idea. I took to SALSA like a flea to a dog. And in the process, scratched an itch I'd been having for years. I had a dance partner who showed me the basics and then I just moved. It felt natural, like I'd been doing it all my life.

The other cool thing about Latin culture is that you change partners like it's nothing. There's no ego, no jealousy. My date had to go get drinks (water!) for us a few times and whenever he was gone another man would come by, wordlessly teaching me new steps. The other partners would return me at the end of the dance with a "thank you" and a smile and my date would just laugh. I think the ecstatic smile on my face had something to do with it! It was wonderful...one of these men in particular you could tell had been dancing for his entire life and it was as though he didn't even move at all. That's the beauty of salsa...the men can move very little but transport a woman across a dance floor like she's a breeze.

Luckily I had a pair of perfect dance shoes that helped me melt into the turns like butter into hot toast. Very glad I never got rid of those shoes. (I used them in a show back in college.) Tonight was their first time out of the closet in almost 4 years. Pathetic. Now, there were times I fell out of rhythm...and knew it immediately. Luckily they would slow down, help me reset, or simply guide me by the hand and propel me in the right direction and we'd be off again. My hips and legs moving underneath me in a way that startled even me! God Bless Pilates. There's nothing this body won't do on command, I think! I am so grateful for that. I would never be this coordinated, centered, balanced, and fluid without it being such a fixture in my life.

I need to dance. I love to dance. Specifically with a partner. Dancing by myself doesn't really hold much excitement for me. I think because the physical conversation between two people is what is so addictive about it. A conversation without words. The hardest part about it is relaxing and letting myself be led, especially when the steps are unfamiliar. I'm not always a good follower. So, for me it was similar to trapeze in that, you find fluidity in release and strength in posture. You pretty much just have to let go, living in the moment. Shaking your ass every now and then for good measure is nice.

I was never without a dance partner. In addition to the salsa, there was some regular bump and grind hip hop clubbing music too--and that's always fun--but there's no ART in it. There's not much conversation except: let's bang with our clothes on. With salsa, there's a whole dialogue...moving towards and away, constant rhythm changes, finding delight in the space between, knowing when to lead and when to groove on your own....it was utterly fascinating and beautiful. I actually preferred watching the non-competitors dance. Everyone on that dance floor was there because they loved it. It was palpable. Not to mention--when there's no "routine" you don't know what's going to happen next. There's no anticipation, you have to be perfectly in the moment with the other person. You turn "mistakes" into opportunity to move in a way you hadn't anticipated.

There was an actual contest going on while we were there with professional salsa dancers--a competition. It was amazing watching them. They were fantastic. While I have no desire to be a competitive dancer...I could do what they were doing with some training.  Tonight has irrevocably changed the way I think of myself on a dance floor. It has also made me realize that I LOVE dancing and have to devote some of my life to it again. So, after tonight I'm moving towards dancing. I'm not sure how...or what classes I'm going to take...but it is in my blood. I was completely in my bliss tonight dancing. I didn't care who I danced with...I just wanted to shake it and learn new things.

Now, the only thing I don't love is that some of the dresses... Hmm. Let me put it this way: the host tonight looked and sounded like a perky Kindergarten teacher in a G-string. It was a little disturbing. She had a piercing, yet sugary voice, long, blonde hair. Not to mention, I was witness to WAY more of her thighs, ass, stomach, and breasts than I wanted to be. Oh--and we had the regrettable luck of witnessing a MAJOR wardrobe malfunction. One of the competitors had a top that pretty much split in half in that middle of one of her crazy-salsa-whirl-moments. However, she kept whipping and spinning and so did her boobs. eeps. Whatever it takes to win a contest I guess. Though the girl that did win from one of the teams had the nicest rear end I think I've ever seen and you have to wonder how much that had to do with her win. She and her partner did a move where he "played piano" all the way up and down her torso...while she writhed and...such. uh. WOW. And the winners are... Nice Ass and her composer.

I think the only thing I wasn't prepared for...besides being flashed...were the amount of really extraordinarily bitchy, ugly, and rude WOMEN. The men were lovely and quite gentlemanly actually. I was treated very cordially and respectfully by the men, which maybe that made it worse...who knows. Sometimes, I hate my own gender. Ugh. Mean girls. But I had so much fun and can't wait to go again.

So...I wonder how this changes how I'm approaching some other things? Well, I'll have to think about that tomorrow. It's 2:28 AM and I'm beat, not to mention I can't feel my feet.

--Eve White

"Ok, But You Know, Like, Our Agent, You Know - He Says Things Are Really Gonna Break As Soon As We Get Our New Glossies!"

After a series of SNAFUs today, I am spending my almost-balmy, cusp-of-summer-y, life-in-the-big-City Saturday evening home.  And it's not so bad.  I have an audition tomorrow, so I have things to prepare for.

I did talk to my mom earlier, who seems pretty excited about my new pictures.  And I must admit that I am excited about the sort of fresh start that new pictures offer - but daunted by the task of a monumental mailing.  I will have to plan, prepare, research and budget. 

One of the things I would like to do when I get the new pictures is...  well... bear with me:

Ever since I was 14, people have been telling me I look like Susan Sarandon.  Every week, a nurse in my orthodontist's office would tell me I looked just like her - though at 14, living in the sticks without cable, I had no idea who she was.  (And nowadays it's a toss-up between her and Drew Barrymore.)

In college, I was compared almost weekly to "that chick from Rocky Horror" (you have no idea how many times people begged me to be Janet for their group RHPS-themed Halloween costume - a bra and slip in October? I don't think so), and one an ACTF adjudicator compared me to Leslie Ann Warren (who looks like SS).  In Boston, strangers would stop me at the art supply store where I worked to note the resemblance, and one time at my current job, my boss announced that SS was a few blocks away filming something, and that I should go down there now. 

And, you know, who am I to question my boss when he says to leave the office for no work-related reason?  So, I did as I was told and spotted her from across the street... but I felt like a dumbass.  What would I say or do?  So, I found my way back to the office (after some window shopping), feeling weird and sad.

I did try to mail her agents/managers about 8 years ago, but I don't know if the address I had was right, and I was so green I probably sounded like a nutter.  But this time... maybe I will do a little digging and mail a picture or two.  I once took a class with a guy who did stand-in work for Jeff Daniels and he said it was great fun... so... *shrug*  Why not try?   

**Feel free to tell me if this is a TERRIBLE idea.* *

I still don't know what I'd say.  And, with my luck, whoever opens the envelope (if it gets opened) will think I look nothing like her (I've found that when it really matters - people don't see the resemblance), or call the paddy wagon or something.

--Susan Atwood

PS - Kudos to anyone who knows what movie the title of this blog is from, and/or who said it.

Modern Technology. Whatev.

I'm an actress, but I also write. Screenplays, video podcasts, poetry, stage plays...whatever. A story is a story. With the exception of one stage play, and one poem none have ever had a public performance. Until now.

Right now I have two projects to get done - one is a motivational piece for a soon-to-be-published collection of essays, and the other is a short film for a friend to play at an event. Shouldn't be difficult, right? Well, to make matters easier, I already wrote the motivational piece, and just need to tweak it a bit per request from the editor, and make it a little longer.

I went to Starbucks, ordered a sweet drink that I really didn't need and a cookie I definitely didn't need. And I re-wrote the piece. Took me a little over an hour, but I was happy with it. All I had to do was proof it, and I didn't want to run the risk of losing it, so I hit "save". At that precise moment, my computer froze. "What do you MEAN you're frozen? You don't FREEZE!! You're a top of the line, well-pampered Mac!" I waited for it to thaw. No go. *Sigh* I used my cell phone to take a picture of the text that was on my computer screen so I wouldn't have to recreate the WHOLE thing (because it's impossible to create the same masterpiece twice), and shut my computer down. I brought it back up hoping a "recovered" document would pop up onscreen. Again, no go. I sent the screen pic from my cell phone to my computer and opened it. You're lookin' at it. Unless I want to render myself blind (which I do not), it's clear that I have to do it all over again. I was so disgusted that I just closed my laptop & came home. All I could do.

So now I get to start all over, AND I still have to get the other project done.

Color me salty.

I'm ready for next week to begin. I'm over this one.

--Nicole J. Butler

Where's The Beef?

Saw a little flick called NOISE tonight out at the Laemmle 5 on Sunset with a girlfriend and a male friend of hers. Interesting night. Let me tell you about it in a roundabout way...

We followed up the movie with dinner at a vegan restaurant. I have to admit it was my first actual culture shock experience in Los Angeles. The menu just didn't register. All I saw were leaves and beans...and...soy shrimp. (pause) Soy shrimp. (pause) Soy...shit. What?! In fact there was soy chicken, soy turkey...soy tennis shoe as far as I'm concerned...! What the FRACK is soy shrimp...?! That doesn't compute. Also there was something called seitan. Not to be confused with Satan, though I'll bet they resemble one another. Look...I'll eat sushi, any ethnic food on the planet, and occasionally tofu...but I draw the line at soy shrimp. I can't...it just...what?! You vegans are just plain weird. Pass the bacon. As in...the real stuff. There were other things earlier in the night that didn't quite sit right with me either...

I thought the movie we gobbled popcorn through (NOISE) was amusing partly due to its original premise, partly due to Tim Robbins. What was particularly interesting to me was that the movie had Mr. Tim Robbins, Bridget Moynahan, William Hurt, a Baldwin...and YET opening weekend saw maybe a dozen people in the theatre. Maybe. Y'all will have to tell me: is this normal? No Q&A...no promotion...people in jeans and flip flops sitting indifferently through what I thought was a very sweet and funny film.

Here's my beef. It takes a Name/Names to get an indie made. AND YET. The Names could (apparently) give a shit about their own performance after the fact? (These are questions, not statements...btw.) AND SO. No butts in the seats. Therefore...no one sees said flick and it makes no/little money. Ridiculous? (Yes, I know there's only about a million variables here I'm not considering, but boil it down with me.) I wasn't around for The Big Time for independent film but I will tell you this...now ain't it. Film festivals seem to be...dying. Or at the very least, indifferent. Indie film sometimes feels more apathetic to me than studio pictures. Definitely more impotent. But whose fault is that? The stars? The filmmakers? The system? Sometimes seeing an indie film is like eating a vegan meal. Very unsatisfying. So often, they lack substance. What's even sadder is when they have substance sans support as is more often the case.

Now, I feel their pain. Unless you have goo-gobs of money to shell out on designer labels and Name clients... It can be hard offering an audience a whole "meal" when you have to spend so much for the prime rib. But is that what indie film should be about? The Name client(s) take their astronomical chunk of the small money pie, get to carry a picture, and at the end of it...whatEVah. Never mind ART. Never mind promotion of the sweat and toil of those who really DO care. 'Course without the prime rib...no one wants to eat it. Follow?

If I were in that film--I would be SO PROUD of it. I'd call everyone I know and would drag their sorry ass to the theatre...I'd be promoting myself and that film because what I do is an extension of what I believe in. There's a lot of NOISE out there. And I'm not simply talking car alarms (see film). What amazes me the most about tonight...was the silence. The lack. The scarcity. The indifference. About a piece of work that people put a lot of time and effort in. It felt hollow. And there was definitely a lack of buzz about NOISE. Which is sad to me...I liked it. Where was the director? Where were the Names? Let me ask you this: do you show up for your work...and/or do you expect other people to?

If a tree falls in a forest but no one hears it...does it make a sound? If a film gets made but no one sees it..? And I think y'all should...GO. SEE. IT. It's amusing social commentary and the best indie film I've seen this year. So...if you want to make a difference in one filmmaker's life...go get NOISY. This picture should be cared about. At least, in my humble opinion.

Now...about the tofu...my stomach didn't feel so great on the way home...so I don't buy that vegan stuff being... healthier.

Food for thought.

--Eve White

Who's in YOUR Network?

I have been BUSY this week. Mostly with non-acting-related, life-sustaining frustrating activities like car repairs, paying bills, trying to figure out how to pay certain large bills that found their way (unexpected & uninvited) to my home, handling other miscellaneous personal business, very little of it acting-related, but all essential. Through it all, the little angel that sits on my shoulder was saying "don't forget to blog". And I didn't forget - not at all. I just kept waiting for something news-worthy that I could share. There is ONE thing that is newsworthy, but, I'm sorry, I can't share it yet. Will if it turns into something though. There was also a conversation with a family member that

There WERE some highlights - I've don't consider myself a particularly social person (solitude recharges my batteries, and I tend to get a little uncomfortable in social situations sometimes), but I have had more conversations, meetings, and lunches this week than in the past 3 months combined. And I'm not just talking about socializing, I'm talking about legitimate business meetings and lunches to discuss matters related (directly AND indirectly) to acting. I guess it could even be called (gasp) "networking".

The word "Networking" alone has been enough to send me into shivering fits. When I hear it, images of 'have nots' sidling up to 'haves' in order to become, look like, or sleep with a 'have' dance in my head. Triple ick. For those who know me very well, my aversion to networking is prolific. One person told me that it was interesting that I chose a career in which my very success depends on it. Honestly, for a long time I didn't know what this career would require of me. I only knew that I wanted to act, and I knew I didn't want to be one of those oft-caricatured "Hollywood" people. You know, all glossy and flossy. Grinning at everything that moves, trying to weasel invitations to parties where "everyone who's anyone" will be. Y'all know. But this week I met with people I already know and already like anyway. I got together with them just because I hadn't seen them in a while and either they contacted me or I contacted them and decided it would be cool to. In some cases I had information, experience, or resources that could help them, and in other cases they had the goods & shared with me. In all cases, we had some laughs, got caught up and enjoyed on another's company while time flew by. Earlier this evening I realized "Omigah - I 'networked', and there wasn't anything slimy or contrived about it." This sounds like such a little thing, but it's a BIG DEAL for me. I still don't like the word though - I need to call it something else. Maybe just "talking to people I know". That way it's not so scary.

--Nicole J. Butler

How to Ace the "So, Tell Me About Yourself" Trap

My adorable friend, Louisiana Mary, just got back from a slew of commercial auditions.  I asked her how they went and she said, "Eh, most of them were lame."  What did that mean, I asked.   She said, "You know, I just went in and they asked me to tell them something about myself."  Oh oh oh, I shouted, I love those!  And this is why:  they are so easy to ace.  If you aren't acing them now, you will be soon and they will be a welcome commercial audition "no-brainer."

"So, tell me about yourself" is nothing more than a personality test.  The interview audition comes in many forms, but "What did you eat for breakfast this morning" and "What are you doing this weekend?" are versions of asking "Do you have a personality?" in a dry way that may seem to invite failure.  I guarantee you the clients do not want to hear a laundry list of your daily schedule or your eating habits.  If you're pursuing a career in acting you probably have a big ol' personality and the trick is letting it shine regardless of the question the camera person throws at you.

Before your next interview audition, think about the things you love to talk about.  What makes you sparkle?  What makes you happy?  What makes you unique and funny?  No matter what the camera person or CD asks you, you need to redirect the question to focus on what brings you joy.

Example:  If someone asked me "What did you eat for breakfast today?" I would reply with humor, "I had a hearty ol' breakfast with bacon, eggs, and toast because it reminds me of where I grew up.  I'm originally from Mechanicsville, Iowa, and I grew up on the oldest Hereford cattle farm west of the Mississippi.  Ye haw!  But I don't know why my town is called Mechanicsville, because we only  had one mechanic and he never seemed to fix our cars."  I love to talk about where I came from because to the folks in Los Angeles it is unique and my personality lights up at the chance to flex by cowgirl alter ego.  What you say should be honest and true, but you may need to fudge some details.  I didn't really eat that breakfast today, but I have and it always reminds me of home.  If someone asks me what I'm doing this weekend, I will probably say something I did last month that was really cool instead of divulging that I have no weekend plans and am therefore lame.  A little fudging is okay.  Who will know?

Once you have a few staples in repertoire of events, people, places or activities that bring you joy and that you can talk about at the drop of a hat, you can hone your audition even more.  Next, you should assess the product.  If you're auditioning for a Pepsi spot that's featuring a beach party, your answer might gear toward party central good times and your energy should be at the highest level and never wane while you're on camera.  If you're auditioning for Huggies, you might want to make your story more maternal, even if it's about your pet.  If it's Intel, and you need to be a computer dork, maybe you talk about a subject or book that you find fascinating in an intellectually stimulating yet friendly way.  Ad agency people put actors in very tight molds and want to see real people, so play to them using everything you've got in your bag of tricks.    

Finally, don't stop talking until you've shared a sufficient amount or, better yet, the camera operator indicates that the interview had ended.  Do not make the CD fish answers out of you because you gave him or her a simple yes or no.  Display your personality.  Don't mention the product.  Keep talking. 

Sounds simple, right?  It is!

Go get that callback! Woohoo!

(Picture proof of my country girl ways...)

--Stacey Jackson

Politicking

I got another call last night from the agency that sent me out last week – and my heart jumped, hoping I was called-back for that telecom spot.  But I wasn’t, and I have a feeling the ship has sailed on that one.  Which sucks, but… I’ve dealt with misses before. 

(It’s just always harder when it’s something you really wanted.)

Last night’s call was for a political campaign ad.  The agent was kind enough to leave a description of my role (what I’d be saying, not just what I’d be wearing), and asked if it was something I’d be comfortable with.

My first thought was, "Why wouldn't I be comfortable?":  I’m an actor and can play things that are not “me”, I can always use extra bucks, and I was excited this agency called me again (they have been way too quiet lately) and I want to stay on their good side.  But the more I thought about it…

I am uncomfortable with it.  It’s one thing to shill for internet companies, or casinos, or prepared meals… but political propaganda?  It didn’t feel right.  Even though the message in this ad is one I tend to agree with… it seemed sensational and manipulative.  And I didn’t like it.

I’m not saying that no one should do this spot, it’s just, for whatever reason, something in me said “No”, and I feel I have to honor that.  Maybe it’s the wrong decision, or a foolish one – but my gut has clearly spoken. 

Thankfully, I had been called earlier for another audition around the same time and in a completely opposite part of town, so I declined the audition due to a conflict.  Of course, I could have made arrangements to handle both… but I figured following the path of least resistance might be the best course of action (certainly the least resistant). 

I’ve never been faced with this before.  It’s something I’ve thought about, naturally.  Like, I have a friend who is vegan and I know there is no way in hell he’d ever do a McDonald’s commercial – even if it was for a vegan-friendly menu item.  But I, for the most part, stand behind our free-market, capitalist society.  I may not agree with your product, but I will defend to the death your right to sell or buy it (of course, I may be judging you harshly and/or unfairly for your decision, but freedom of choice is everyone’s right… it's just unfortunate that some people make dumb-ass choices [although, obviously, that is subjective]). 

But, certainly products or ad concepts exist that I'd disagree with… and now I sorta know how it feels.  It sucks to feel like you're opting out of an opportunity – but it is just one opportunity.  And there will be others.

--Susan Atwood

Take Two Steps Forward, Then Wait...

Well, I did it.  I sent my final list to the photographer.  Of course, there are 6 photos on that list so… I’m still not certain which to definitely use.  But, the re-touching has begun which brings me one step closer to actually using them.

Also, he’s cool with retouching all 6 top choices, which I find amazing.  I get the feeling that he loves what he does.  I could be wrong, but the vibe he gives off is that he truly loves photographing actors (he is a former dancer who has performed on Broadway), which is such a great, enthusiastic and positive energy to work with.  It is such a blessing when you feel like you’re in good hands – and I do with these photos.

But enough about the damn pictures.

I did also hear back from the production company about February’s spot:  they haven’t received it back from editing yet.  (?!)  That seems crazy to me – it’s been 75+ days since we shot, and it’s not edited yet?  I don’t recall ever having this issue before.  I hope it’s not me – like I did such a bad job they’re spending weeks trying to find a way to put it all together so I don’t suck…  Scary.

Tonight is that little “red carpet” event for the premier of the series finale I filmed in Philly a few weeks ago, for that student TV/web show.  (I’ve been watching past episodes online and they remind me of Degrassi Junior High – a show whose low/weird production values always irked me, yet always managed to draw me in because I cared about those dang, cheesy kids and the funny way they said “Soorry” all the time!)  I had really wanted to go, but if I went it’d be solo…  I mean, I know the rest of the cast and crew would be there, but I didn’t really get to work with them – my part was very small – and they’re all much younger.  Had I someone to hang out with and some way to split the cost of a hotel (the hostel served its purpose once, but I’m not really feeling it for a second time), I’d totally go.

Ah, well.  There will be other premiers…

Or maybe I’ll change my mind last-minute. 

Spent some time in the studio last night.  I’m feeling a bit lost without any classes or anything going on.  Maybe it’s time to re-enroll?  More improv perhaps?  Or something else…?  I never did use the two free voice over seminars I got with my demo package last year (I keep forgetting!).  I wonder if those are still valid…

Ho hum.  I’ll just twiddle my thumbs as I wait for checks, copy, retouches and audition calls…

--Susan Atwood

The Happening Or "Demonstrating"

It has become habit for me to write, blog, journal or email when I'm mentally processing something. Right now I feel I'm mentally processing so many things at once that...it's a lot. So...if this is fuzzy...it's fuzzy. Consider this me, getting clarity with myself.

Ever feel as though you're waiting? Waiting for something to demonstrate in your life? Waiting for the timing to be right on things? I, for one, am so sick of that. Waiting for shit to happen. Waiting for things to just...(cue lovely music) fall into place. My fucking fairy godmother got lost in Toronto, right? I don't really want to beat myself over the head with a wrench and a hammer forcing things to happen either...but I'm done with waiting. Pardon me, but *UCK THAT. So. If I'm done with waiting but don't want to force things to happen...what next? It feels a lot like Limbo. Which is worse than Hell, if you believe in such a place. I don't, though I can imagine hellish scenarios.

Here's what's what: I'm ready for the happening, (not to be confused with The Rapture...I know I may have gotten The Christians excited with Limbo and Hell talk). I'm not going to get specific here (though I will in my own head) because there's just a lot of variables here...career, personal life, well---it's all personal because it's all my life. Anyway, in my church you hear the phrase "I'm demonstrating such and such in my life right now" kinda often. To me, it sounds a lot like menstruating. I happen to be "in the flow" right now. Sounds like someone's on their period. I'm not trying to be crass here. But, I'm annoyed so the analogy works here. Ultimately, I'm not annoyed, I'm happy. I'm joyful. I'm loving what is happening (partially)...except it's not...really...happening... right NOW. Exactly as I would like it to. So what now?

Some things feel "in the flow". Other things feel in limbo...in the cooker...waiting for the 'right time'. So...what? I sit around watching Atonement (or any other depressing movie), wear black, and hypothesize on demonstrating? Thanks, but, I'd rather get my period. Ugh.

I'm writing as if I'm all pissed off and annoyed and really I'm not. Really I'm puzzled. Sort of. Wondering. Kind of. Figuring it out. Whilst still trying to get 8 hours of sleep a night. I'm still active with my life, still pursuing things and activities, still creating, still staying in positive consciousness...yet.

Hello...demonstration...? Proof of right path?
I guess this is the "faith in the unseen" part. eh?
My new theory...when the going gets fuzzy...get a good night's sleep....

However, despite my fatigue...something tells me it's not the proof we're ON the right path that we need, but it's the knowing that WE ARE the demonstration OF the path. Make any sense at all? Or am I now speaking in tongues? Presbyterians? Pentacostals? Hostiles? Anyone? Anyone?

And how do I apply this to my acting career?

Ciao for now,

--Eve White