Unscripted - A Blog for Actors - Backstage

Closer and closer

I was pretty happy when 'Paradigm' showed up on my ringing iphone yesterday. Even happier when I was called back for the national dunkin' donuts spot. Slightly less happy that it was a day-of audition it was at 6:50 pm. Really? is this a dinner date? That meant I had to leave my tutoring gig in NJ earlier, rush back into the city with my zipcar right to the casting studio, do my thing, return the car, and then go shoot my internet video sensation.

    I was starting to get stressed out just thinking about it all.

A NEW ROLE

As many of you may know by now, I model as well as train to become an actor. Modeling is  a lot like acting in the sense that you have to become a character and portray that character to the best of your ability. So a few days ago I got a call to do a magazine cover. Lord knows I need the money so I begin to ask more details about the project. The more I inquire about the project the more that I begin to realize what I am getting myself into. After a full description of the project, concept, and the team that would be shooting, I asked the million dollar question. What kind of magazine is this?

Transitions

I remember graduating from undergrad and debating Grad School. I thought, yes, I want to continue training and learning, but how can I justify starting a career at 25? I already feel like I'm joining the party late at 22. Needless to say, I was an idiot. But now that I am 25 moving into a new market, those same issues are coming up

Toronto is Treating Me Well

One week into Toronto and I can safely say this is my favorite city so far!  Of course, no city is as good to me as New York City...but damn, Toronto is sure coming close!   

Perhaps what I am loving so much is my set up.  My new digs are pretty fancy!  My room is super comfortable and decorated how my sweet imaginary studio in Midtown Manhattan or loft in Williamsburg should be decorated. I even have a full kitchen, which means I can make oatmeal with honey every morning for breakfast.  (My favorite!)  The theatre is a skip away!  I found an amazing local coffee shop a hop away.  The martini bar downstairs stays open late after the shows, is delicious, and has some pretty sweet jazz music on the weekends.  There's a more than sufficient gym and spa free of charge on the 5th floor, and a delicious and cheap diner can be found just around the corner!  

The Show Must Go On

My time in NYC last week was a whirlwind of activity – my experience with Manscape: The Musical was the perfect first acting experience in the city.  I was working with wonderful, well-respected actors as well as people I knew.  That, combined with the fact that I was playing a small supporting character, kept me from being overwhelmed and nervous.  The producer of the Algonquin Theatre even asked me for my headshot and resume!

Things I Will Do When the Show Is Over

- Paint my nails with Ocean Love Potion nail polish (I can't paint them anything other than nude colors for the characters I'm playing now)

- Catch up on my laundry.

- Continue to make connections from my daily life to lines and situations from the show.

- Sew the strap back onto the red dress that I wanted to wear a couple of weeks ago, but couldn't because the strap had come unstitched.

Grad School Diary #1

In case you haven't been paying attention, I'm attacking my future career with two strategies. I'm applying to grad schools, and planning on moving to LA next June/July. Whichever option ends up looking better for me, is the one I'll take.

    But the grad school prep must begin now. Auditions are generally in January, and my apps and reccomendations are due dec 1 or jan 1. So I'm getting on top of everything right now. A friend of mine is going to coach me on my monologues.

The Hair Battle

My hair complicates my life in a surprising number of ways. It's naturally somewhere between curly and straight, and I spent many years fighting with it and trying to make it one or the other (like in this photo, during the phase when I was pretending it was curly, or the one below when I was in a straightening phase). In grad school, I usually don't have the time/will/energy/sense to care what my hair is doing most days.

Part of the hair battle that's been toughest for me is where the Actor part of me kicks in. Must not do anything drastic. Must look like head-shot. Must appear cast-able.

I always WANT to experiment with my hair, but being an actor makes me afraid to touch it. At one point I wrote "Willing to drastically alter hair" on my résumé, with the hope that a show might give me the excuse I'd been looking for to do something crazy with it. But aside from one director who let me have "raven hair" when I played Diana Barry in Anne of Green Gables, most productions beg me to NOT change my hair. So it stayed long and brown for a very, very long time.

For My Mom

Sometimes, I don't know whose life I'm living.  Just today on my morning hike I passed Laurence Fishburne and I swear to God we did a little heeeyy nod to each other as if he were saying, "Yep, it's me."  I'm not particularly enamored with celebrity, but occasionally I will meet a well-known actor who rocks my world because they seem to be in the business for all of the right reasons and they use their celebrity status for good.

When I was a teenager (you know, like two years ago? ha. ha.) I couldn't seem to find my place in the world.  Does any teenager?  I didn't have a lot of friends, I was horribly picked on, I was brainy and a little too serious, and I felt suffocated and limited in options in my tiny town of 1,000 people.  On top of that, I wanted be an actor.  My mom recognized all of my dreams and struggles and honed in on this interview that Geena Davis did for Parade Magazine or some-such at the height of her career, cut it out and told me to keep it for inspiration.  "This is you!" she said.  Bless my lovely mom!  I wish I still had the article, but the gist of it was that Ms. Davis had also felt suffocated, misunderstood, picked on, left out, too brainy (she is a Mensa member, after all) and she suffered from low self-esteem.  Point is, she overcame all of those obstacles to win an Oscar and that was sweet music to my angst-y fifteen year old ears.

Group Work

There was this whole teaching movement when I was in grade school--and maybe there still is--that hinged on a little idea called Group Work.  Suddenly, every teacher was structuring their entire curriculum around Group Work.  Can't figure out a mathematical equation?  Don't ask the teacher!  Ask your Group.  I think Group Work was supposed to prepare our young minds for the practicalities of the real world and force good interpersonal communication.  

I hated Group Work.   

Group Work was the bane of my young existence.  I was always paired with the remedial kids who needed help that I could offer.  I would do the work and they would write down the answers.  I raised their bar and nobody raised mine.  I ended up doing all of the work because I couldn't stand turning in a sub-par project.  Do I sound like a snob?  I was.  I am?  No no.  I think I have evolved.  I'm pretty sure I've learned how to work with people in a normal and healthy way.  Sometimes.  

Maybe this is a personal problem?

Playing Teacher

Almost every night I play a fourteen year old pothead, but last week I got to play a different part!  Thursday, I got to be a teacher!  Me and my buddy Paul, who's a very talented actor himself, headed to a performing arts high school in Seattle and taught a Master Class.  

Being a teacher is something I have always wanted to do, so when I got the opportunity, I jumped on it! Theatre is my favorite thing in the whole world, so what could be better than sharing my enthusiasm for the stage with other students!  It wasn't too long ago that I was a student myself.  In fact, I feel like I still have a lot to learn and am constantly soaking up what I can from the older, experienced actors I'm traveling and working with.  But it sure is nice to feel as though I might be able to take some of what I know from my own audition and performance experiences and pass it onto others.    

Director Extistential

In between events while in New York in October I had meetings, voice lessons, brunches, auditions, etc.

One of the meetings was with a well-known director in the theater community, whom I will call Director X.

Director X has that 'IT' factor about him. Tall, lean, striking, mysterious, perceptive, and still.

Everyone wants to work with him, nobody's really sure if he likes them or not, and if you're lucky, you get to spend New Year's Eve at his 'should be featured in Architectural Digest' apartment downtown. 

He's also one of the few people I've made a consistent effort in maintaining a personal and working relationship with throughout the years.

Not only does he direct me well as an actress, he knows me as a person and he can see right through me. I like that. 

And every time I meet with him to talk about life, art, his latest project, my latest endeavors, I feel as if I've experienced some sort of paradigm shift within my world, my stance in Life; a psychological earthquake.

Thus the name, Director X. Who shakes your Matrix? 

Boogerface

There is a very emotional scene in Fedra (buy your tickets now!)  in which something very emotional happens and then my character falls in love. In terms of the arc of a scene and the character journey this is one juicy, funny, heightened scene, my favorite scene of everything I have done thus far, hands down. Towards the end there is a quiet, beautiful, extended moment when my character and the prince lock eyes and gaze at one another, dumbfounded by our love.

Sassy Black/Sassy and Black

This is my first time participating in a showcase, and let me tell you – the showcase hasn’t even started, but I can already tell that you definitely have to put the work in to see the results. Nothing is ever just handed out for free. "Hey, do this industry showcase and get handed an agent!" Umm, I think not.

First off, we were instructed to pay a materials fee. I suppose this will be used for the folders they put our headshots in and the programs? Not entirely sure. Then, we were asked to put together 80 headshots and resumes. Not stapled to the back, but glued. I went on a mad hunt trying to get these together. It was quite tedious, and expensive.

Personal Drop Offs DO Work!

I am back on a roll with checking the breakdowns on every website (I have a list of over ten even Craigslist- yes I have gotten legit work from that skeezy-ish website people have a love/hate relationship with). Ever since I lost out on a few parts recently that I really wanted, it has set a fire off inside of me. I am ever so passionate and determined to book something even better than the last auditions I went on.

The other day at seven in the morning (why I was up so early, I don't know)  I stumbled upon my dream role while I was browsing the internet in my bed. Not only does it requre someone that has a dance and gymnastics background that they quoted "have a leg up on this if you do have that background" but the film shoots all across Europe! It is a lead role, AND it is for a big big casting director. Wow.

I made my daily list of things to do and prepared my materials for my drop off. I printed out a specific headshot and attached my gymnastics reel with the package and ran over as fast as I could when I finally got ready. I called my agent and manager and enthusiastically told them about this film and how perfect I was for it. I made sure that they pitched me and also submit online for me.

I prayed all week that I would get a call to audition for my dream project. Then I went into a one day slump and reflected on all those times when I was still taking classes at USC and would leave ten minutes early to drive across town to the Fox lot and try and sneak on to drop off my daily submissions to casting people that did it all electronically anyways. I thought to myself, gosh, this is not going to work! Why do I keep thinking that I will get called in from a hard copy drop off?

The next day I was so bent out of shape from overthinking the whole situation. I went to the casting officeI work and checked my email when I was on a break, and to my surprise, there was an email with the subject line..... audition for you know what. Smiles. 

--Heather Tocquigny