Yes.

I am finally - gawd, FINALLY - cementing the concept of ownership over a role.  It's an obvious concept that seems simple enough, and it's nothing new.  But to really and truly in one's most honest self be able to embody this is not as easy as one might think.

I've got a very sensitive bullshit radar.  One of the reasons why I set out in search of a serious and reputable studio to learn my craft years ago was because I knew I didn't have the know-how, and therefore the confidence to be the kind of actor I wanted to be.  My "success" felt almost hit or miss and I knew I needed to study.  Of course, the process doesn't end with your final class.  And while I'd get parts, praise, and feel good about what I was producing, I still lacked the kind of faith in my work that one needs in order to justify working on a "professional" level - and later, working on higher levels within that professional world.

I managed to eventually begin working on a professional level.  But I still would go through these times in auditions where I'd lose sight of what I knew how to do and hand over too much control to the other side of the camera hoping that I could fulfill whatever it was they wanted.  Sometimes I did.  Sometimes I didn't.  I've gotten just enough parts and praise to keep at it, but not enough to maintain unshakable confidence and faith.  It still didn't seem like I was quite there because it wasn't consistent.  How I felt wasn't consistent.

Sometimes I just have to laugh at how long it takes me to fully understand and realize the most simple and basic lessons that I thought I already understood and realized.  I am happy to report that I was able to experience this on a recent audition I had for a feature.  It was a very rare occasion where I read the script and immediately knew this is a film that will be impossible to go unnoticed.  This is the kind of writing that is the reason why I wanted to be an actor in the first place.  They are at a loss and having trouble casting this one character and ended up widening their search.  Though I have a feeling I may be too young, it was pretty great to, first of all - go on a legit audition again - and actually walk away feeling pretty good about it.

I've often thought that one of the reasons so many of us are insane enough to try to make it in this business is because the lessons we learn as actors are at the same time huge life lessons too. 

--Ming Ming

Comments

[Stacey Jackson]

You know what? That is pretty damn cool. And a fantastic leap of confidence and skill. I believe many would be jealous. Go get 'em!