Catch-phrases & Classic Redhead, Circa 2008
This weekend has been largely about making my new apartment more liveable, and workable--and bit more beautiful via little touches here and there (insert Mom). Plants, new pillows, a new lamp, little touches that fill in the empty spaces. It's remarkable how much a little greenery can do. Suddenly, more warmth and color. Though, I'm still looking for a dining room table that actually works in the space and the whole place is a bit ripped apart. It's a bit of a reflection for where my acting career is now. Ripping it apart mentally and seeing what I discard and what I work with. Trying very hard not to throw the baby out with the bathwater...or cut off my nose to spite my face...
"Accepting Our Limitations"--anyone familiar with that phrase? I heard it a lot from the pulpit growing up and from people around me even more. I think it's a thinly cloaked "Give Up, You're Ordinary" line of crap. None of us are "ordinary". And the only limitations are the ones we give ourselves. However... we all have a certain "look"...right?
I'm not sure I knew where I was going as I sat down to write. I'm still not sure...today is a stream-of-consciousness tribute to my own "not-so-ordinary-ness". Are you the empty space? Or are you the splash of color and life that fills that space up?
I was raised with a healthy dose of, There will always be someone uglier than you and someone prettier than you in any situation. It's another version of, there will always be someone better off than you and someone worse off. I'm not sure I like these "phrases" though. And the fact that they still come to mind is a reflection of my belief system to some extent. Aren't those phrases simply reassuring us towards mediocrity?
This morning my pastor asked us in church: "What do you empathize with?" What do you see in the world, in others, in things and embrace...as YOU?--What do you take in and say, "Yeah, that's so ME!"? As I was watching the movie The Other Boleyn Girl and earlier The Tudors--(and I won't apologize for my own taste--I enjoy a good bodice-ripper from time to time--color me female) I couldn't help but look at the women playing Anne Boleyn and wonder if I was simply born in the wrong time period. Ironically, years ago when I was working retail, a woman remarked, "You could be Queen Elizabeth I with all that long red hair and pale skin."
Do you ever feel like if it wasn't 2008--somehow you'd fit in better? Well, not often, but sometimes, I do. Like somehow if I were blonde and 3" shorter with wider hips I'd be more attractive--or more "marketable". Or if I had the ability to tan or could pull off looking like I'm 15. Um, yeah, I'm a woman and I look like one. And I don't really WANT to look like I'm 15--because then you really have to worry about men who ask for your number. Ick.
All this to say--I'm not having an attack of low self-esteem--however-- sometimes it's difficult as a classic looking female who looks her age not to think--will I be marketable in anything but a period flick? It's especially annoying when those damn things are primarily cast in London or something like that.
Right now, I'm just not sure exactly where I fit.
So...right now I'm focusing on the greenery and knowing that I am marketable and that my alabaster skin and red hair are assets instead of hindrances. And if you want a short, tan, blonde, thang or a sexy Latina--then look elsewhere. I am what I am. Although, today as I grudgingly pile up my laundry and head to the nearest laundromat... I feel less like the queen of England and more like a housekeeper.
Really sexy, eh?! Oi vey.
Comments