Week Four?

As my time on this film begins coming to a close, I can't tell if I'm bummed out or ecstatic to go home soon.  This experience has kicked my ass.  Not sure I've ever been so physically exhausted or sick for this long in my life.  I wouldn't trade it for the amount I've learned.  But man, oh man.  I am definitely over all the other bullshit.

I'd have to say that the coolest most down-to-earth and genuine people are obviously those who work behind the scenes.  The teamsters, hair and makeup, wardrobe, DP, director, crew....maybe only a couple other actors I'll definitely be keeping in touch with.  But for the most part, my general sense is that everyone is so phenomenally desperate to be associated with "Hollywood" and movies that it makes people really weird.  And not in a good way.

I mean, I understand there's inevitably going to be a certain amount of ass kissing and boot licking going on.  But when you're in it or around it for 17-hour days for a month, it gets pretty annoying.  There's millions of dollars invested, people of enormous power, everyone wants to keep working, yada, yada, blah.  However, I've come to realize that even on this level, there are still multiple other levels within.  I've got to believe that the bullshit diminishes as the level of quality (in terms of script, studio, production, talent, etc.) increases.  This film's primary purpose is to generate revenue.  And that's the bottom line.  So the people attracted to that....most aren't so interested in much else.  And I'm a naive idiot to expect otherwise.

On my day off last weekend, my hubs and I met up with a friend of his, who happens to be a pretty well known musician.  He brought along his flavor of the week - I mean, model/girlfriend.  As the night was winding down, we went to hang out somewhere more low key where we could talk.  The girlfriend was interrogating me all night.  And while I kept trying to change the subject, all she wanted to talk about was the film.  But she was so young, and dumb, and amazed, it was almost impossible to discuss with any honesty.  She had some weird preconceived notion about how she expected me to be and seemed bothered that I was more interested in just having fun and talking about past laughs, mutual friends, and music.  And it's not like she was a fan of my work.  She doesn't know me from Margaret Cho, Sandra Oh, or Hello Kitty.  By the end of the night, I felt like had it not been for the stupid movie and her wanting to visit the set, she wouldn't have been interested in buddying up with me.  Gross.

But I have to say, I've definitely gained a lot more clarity about myself and my goals.  My focus has definitely galvanized and I have a better understanding of how and where to fit into the puzzle.  It seems too easy to get caught up in stupid bullshit.  In fact, it's encouraged around here.  But it's just not me.  I am the same person and the same actor I was a month ago, but with some more knowledge and experience.  While there are definitely a few perks here, I can't wait to get back to my home, sleep in my bed, and be around people who know me and love me - with no expectations or strings attached - for who I really am.

--Ming Ming