Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow.

Anyone have a tissue--or a cocktail--how 'bout a Xanax? I'm losing quite possibly THE most important relationship a girl can have in ANY town! And...I need a drink or three. Three STIFF drinks.

My hairdresser is leaving the country! (*GASP*)

He's been so many things to me--a colorist (shh...yes, I boost it a teensy bit...otherwise I look washed out--I'm a pale girl, gals!), a stylist, a friend, confidante, and sometimes therapist. (Insert sob...) And GET THIS: he's not even gay!

Why must he exodus with scissors in hand? Well, and like any E! True Hollywood Story...

...he and his wife are being audited for $$,000,000+ dollars. That's right...you counted all the zeros--DOUBLE FIGURE MILLION DOLLARS--and under the threat of arrest. So, naturally, they're skipping the country like any good American under the wrath of the Tax Man. Sigh (Insert wail....) (And like any self-indulgent actress...) Yeah, yeah money troubles--but what am I gonna do now???!!! We're talking disaster here...

It's easier to replace a boyfriend than to replace a good hairstylist! Men are a dime a dozen. Men who know how to cut hair, give you advice on their ilk, AND rub your scalp so your toes curl...without ego or pretense...THOSE men are few and far between... I MAY NEVER LOVE (a hairdresser) AGAIN.

This man has MAGIC HANDS! He cuts my lion's mane of sorta-curly/sorta-straight /totally unruly hair, so I don't even have to blow dry it...I can wash it and go...and y'all--I gots me lots of hair. My hair is part of my image--hell it IS my image. And it's largely the root of my confidence. This man performs miracles... He gives me color like I had when the sun kissed my golden-auburn-y-hair as a child... (Insert angel choir.)

And (sob...) HE'S LEAVING ME! If I had the money I'd fly out of the country just to get him to do me--I mean... my hair... In fact, a good hairdresser is so fucking hard to find that I used to resort to cutting it myself. (Mixed results.) The last idiot who touched it before him, whacked nearly SEVEN inches off my labor-of-love-locks. (Insert *GASP* and gag...) I had to peel the white knuckles off her chair and it was all I could do TO NOT PUNCH HER. I asked for TWO inches off. Two, you stupid butcher! I'm a seamstress--I know what TWO INCHES IS! 

Side note: that being said BOYS- most of y'all don't know the difference between two and seven inches either--BUT WE DO--and YEP, IT MATTERS.

Back to business: WHAT DO I DO NOW!!! I've had his fabulous hands in my hair for a year now and it's grown so much and evolved into the hair I nearly had when I was pregnant. Preggers hair is the bomb, folks. Grows thicker and longer than you could imagine in 9 months.

It's the end of my phenomenal hair era--unless I can find another magician. Although, I've learned my lesson. No more Spanish speaking hairdressers (maybe the two inch fiasco was a language barrier???). Also, next time I take in a RULER--show them two inches so they know that I know what the hell they're doing with those machetes masquerading as scissors. Or...I go to beauty school and do my own damn hair. Maybe I could open an underground salon for redheads. In all that free time I have, right? Shit.

Now, excuse me while I finish grieving.

Devastatingly Coiffed~
~Eve White

Comments

[Rachel Diamond]

I know how you feel- I'm going to college in two days, which means leaving my hairdresser of about four years behind... the only one who has managed to make my super-thick wavy hair manageable! *sob* I'm afraid what a new person will do, especially since I look pretty awful with short hair, and one snip too many could mean lion hair!

[Jen]

Next time I see you I will give you my hairdresser's number. She is amazing and cheap! I followed her from different salons and have been going to her for almost 3 years! And she does amazing redhead color!

[Justine]

Although I'm currently in NYC, I know of someone good in Burbank (if she's still there). I know some LA people aren't big on going to the Valley and I don't know your neighborhood, but if you're interested, let me know and I'll get you the name.