If You Absolutely Have To Ask

Never ask a 'why' question. There are no absolute answers to why questions. But if you absolutely have to ask why, at least have the good sense to make up an answer that pleases you.

-Edwene Gaines
(p. 129, The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity)

The days are getting shorter again. This morning I woke up just before 7:00  and my bedroom was still cool, barely-there-streaks-of-sunshine drifting in. The air was different. It was still summer, but a new crispness was on it, an undercurrent. Well, sure, by 9:30 I had stripped my long-sleeve shirt off and I'm sure it will get hot within the hour, but early morning air tells you something about where the weather is going. I could almost smell fall. Normally, my favorite time of year  (boots! leather jacket! rain!) But...I sniffed the breeze and wanted summer back again. Wanted to dial time BACK...but why? To see the bigger picture?

"Eve, do you think you could just get through this week...living--continue to pursue your art, teaching, blogging, and being a mom...and let that be enough... for this week?"

That's what my life coach asked me on the phone yesterday. I'm not sure why doing only that felt so...not enough for me. Incomplete somehow. No! I want MORE! And yet, there has been so much richness even in the past few days...so...Why? Well, no absolute answer there. So, I guess I get to make up an answer that 'pleaseth me'.

Gearing up for another mailing. Looking at a few different sketch/improv groups to play with. Considering a class... it feels about as financially frivolous as the boots I'm drooling over in the Victoria's Secret catalog--yes they sell boots. And they're beautiful. And I want them. I want...I want...

Getting through this week. That's the game plan. RRRRR....

It all seems so HARD...until I look at the past few days--then my perspective shifts a bit back towards reality. This weekend, I went out with someone and heard some live music--ate some great food--and it was chill, comfortable, and good. Then, Sunday, I rearranged my house--put the sofa in the kitchen and the kitchen table in the living room: sounds wacky but it works! At least for now.  More space, and the space works better.

I also took a TWO-HOUR YOGA CLASS. And get this--the class was FREE for first-timers. It was terrific; I want to do more of that. It feels great when you move through a whole class--whatever class it is-- able to do every pose--but then look harder, feel deeper, and be able to focus on color, light, and breath at the same time.  By the end of that class colors looked brighter to me. And I felt good. And really--that was my first real yoga class from start to finish...EVER. (That I can remember right now.) Can you believe that? Why has it taken me so long to get there? ...The reappearance of why. Then, after yoga, I hung out with a girlfriend and we chatted and reconnected for a couple of hours and that was wonderful too! Why am I blocking myself from seeing the good that is there right now? Why isn't it enough right now?

So why do I wake up every morning begrudging the day? And thus another WHY QUESTION.

  Well, I think I know why--I'm struggling with the HOW. How do I turn myself around mentally? Is it just a (like all things in my life right now) TIME+ EFFORT+ PATIENCE= RESULTS equation? 

Or...is it finding peace and prosperity amidst the time, effort, patience...AND results...

That's the answer that right now...pleaseth me.

--Eve White

Comments

[Stacey Jackson]

Eve + Sweet Potato Fries = Awesomeness!!