"...The heaven we chase..."

HOPE is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I’ve heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.

-Emily Dickinson

Keep reading 'cause oh boy there's more.

Let's see...how do I write about what's going on in my life without it sounding personal? Today...I really don't know...so I'm just going to get personal. Expose the raw, the real. I'm also going to address my male audience alongside any female readers. Keep reading. 

Look, it's not that great things aren't happening or that I'm not having a hell of a lot of fun in the process. Because, they are...and I am. However, I'm also learning how to take care of myself on a day-to-day basis too... And that's not always easy. There are days I wonder, "how could I possibly do one more thing!?" It is not good to tempt fate with that kind of comment. Because, I'm in the middle of a mini apartment overhaul (new beds change things) so everything is everywhere. Grateful for the new beds...wondering when I'll have the time and energy to reorganize everything and weed out stuff we don't need. My garage is begging for a SALE. There's just tons to be done everyday...

Ultimately, it's been a good week...but a long one...which brings me to today...tonight.

My daughter just needed to be held tonight. Man, did I get that. And, it felt good to hold her. In comforting those who need it...I think we fulfill the same needs in ourselves. Sometimes the transitions between her dad and I are rough. We bickered a little tonight and it wears on her when we do that. So, I have to work on not being a shrill, demanding, harpy--and her father...well...let's just not go there. Divorce is an unpleasant thing. Breakup+child support= messy. That brings me to the meat of this bloggin' sandwich. After reading about Zoe Cruz this week...and talking to other moms (single or not)...getting in a fight with my ex...after hearing other women gripe at a theater I was in this week...

I just have to say this:
If you're a male person over the age of 21...then you need to realize TWO THINGS.

#1. You will not get laid if you ask to split the check. (Just ask Chris Rock.) If you're a platonic friend...it's still good taste as the man to at least offer to pick it up. If she would prefer to pay for herself (and from time to time and for certain reasons, we do) then let her. It sounds very 1950's, but it's not. It's good manners. Women still pay more on hair, make-up, and childcare than a man. Especially, if your date, female friend, or gal-pal is a single mother then we've probably already coughed up almost $50.00+ for a sitter to spend the evening with you. And no momma does that for just any fella. If you're not aware of this...be aware. Pony up or ride on. Picking up the check is not even close to half of what we're already spending to go out for the night WITH YOU. We also probably bought a new dress and/or waxed something for you (likely costing us another $50-100 bucks)...so pick up the damn check, yo. You're still probably coming out ahead.

That brings me to #2. 

If you don't have the following:

 A. a job & health benefits B. a decent vehicle to get around in, and C. sanitary and safe quarters you call home (roommates are frowned upon btw) then do not expect to acquire a good girlfriend. If you do not have these three things you will not end up with a quality woman who cares about you, over the age of 25. 

Because hear this: We need to know that you can do at least a few major things for yourself, especially if you're an actor. In this day and age...women are expected to be and do it ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. ALL. Am I getting this across? And...still...we might find ourselves on the professional chopping block in the age of man. After helping "the boys club" make gobzillions of dollars... Never mind, the political arena. 

We are expected to be feminine and yet capable. We are expected to pay at least half the bills, work full time, have babies, take care of the children, keep the house, manage the household schedule, make sure holidays are planned and prepared for, remember everyone's fracking birthday, and vaccuum in a short skirt with sexy panties under it all... Gee. I wonder why the divorce rate is so damn high? It's SUCH a puzzle. 

If you had any idea how much information is kept inside the mind of a mother at any given time...you'd be in AWE. Unless you ARE a mother...in which case...you're nodding your head right now. (And probably laughing.)  We do it all, all the damn time. So, appreciate at least one woman in your life today. You don't have to wait until Mother's Day to do it. Because I'll bet at least ONE woman today said something nice to you, did something for you, or thought about you. At least one. And if not...you might want to ask yourself why? Is there room for anyone else in that mirror? 

Now, I've come across a couple of quality men in this town...maybe two...and I count myself lucky to have stumbled across them and lucky that they're in my life. But this blog isn't for them. They already get it! It's for the morons I encounter on a daily basis who wonder why their emails aren't returned, their sex life is sporadic (at best), and why the female species occasionally, cries. Or, why we take one look at your car, apartment, or lack thereof and run screaming in the opposite direction. 

It's easy for me to spiral into this place of Will it ever be enough? Will I ever be enough? Will I ever be able to do enough? Is this man, man enough? And...Enough is enough! ...the heaven we chase... If you're an Emily Dickinson fan...you know what poem that line is from. Today...this week... it was enough. I did enough and I spent enough and I had more than enough fun. Who knows what tomorrow may bring. For now, it's enough and so am I. And...I am so grateful for the men in my life who get it and are beyond generous. Thank you...you men make me smile...and you make doing it all...worth it. You inspire hope and gratitude.

boy oh boy--Eve White

Comments

[Jean Kinney]

Decided to read one of your blogs on my daughter's urging. Emily was right. You SO have your stuff together.
Jean

[evelyn]

Thanks, Jean! That means a lot coming from another mother.
gratefully,
eve