Do It, Then Trash It.

In my last post, I was pretty grumpy.  I'm much better now, but really needed to take a look at how/ why that happened.  I'm usually very optimistic - not blindly so, like those chirpy "fake-happy" people that make you wanna snatch off their right arm & beat 'em with the wet end, but I believe that there are few things that people can't do if we REALLY want it.

My routine is to prepare for an audition, audition, then let it go.  Throw away the sides and everything - like it never happened - and go on with my life.  Onwards and upwards.  Lately, I haven't been doing that.  I've been auditioning, doing really good work in the room, getting callbacks and avails, hoping for a booking call (WAITING for it, actually) and then...nothing.  I stopped "letting it go" and started holding on too tightly to an outcome that was never promised in the first place.

After a few of those "almost-hads", it didn't take much to push me over the edge.  I've seen lots of commercials and TV shows that I auditioned for and didn't book (and didn't get upset about them), but seeing someone on TV slurring words and not doing half as well as I KNOW I did in my audition just really got my goat.  And seeing it over and over kinda makes me wanna gift my TV to the next person who rings my doorbell.  It made me wonder if there is any rhyme or reason to this business.  And it made me ask myself "What am I doing?"

But I've had a few days to mull this over, and the truth is - I really don't know anything other than the fact that people obviously like my work.  That means I win.  Once I start speculating about why I didn't get the job (without any info), I lose.  I lose time, energy, my good mood, and myself.  That's a LOT to give up on the strength of a guess alone.  I can't control whether or not I get the job, all I can control is my level of preparation and skill, and my objective shouldn't just be to book a particular job, but to do good, solid work time after time, and trust that the results will be as they should be.

So, I'm back in the saddle...just in time for my commercial audition tomorrow.  I'm perfect for it!  I've been working on the script, so I'm going to go in, do my thing, and throw it all away when I walk outside.  Anything else makes me crazy.

Lesson relearned,

--Nicole J. Butler

Comments

[Sis Ivd]

Well Missy, all that's really expected of you is PREPARATION. Be prepared, do your thing, and go on with life. EVERYTHING we all do in life, anyway, is preparation for something.

[Justine]

"But I've had a few days to mull this over, and the truth is - I really don't know anything other than the fact that people obviously like my work. That means I win."

Yup. Remember that!!! :)

[WhenIGrowUpCoach]

When I was acting, I had to train my family members to not ask about anything other than "How did the audition go?" I followed the same practice as you did- get the audition, prepare ad nauseam, go in there, do my best, leave, erase from memory. Repeat.

It's great how you became aware of how you were letting the Negative Nellys (even in your own brain!) affect you by wondering how that crappy actor got your job. It's also great that you realized it's not only out of your hands, but something you might never know (maybe it was the Director's sister or the girlfriend of the Creative Dir at the ad agency). There's only enough energy to worry about the things that are within your power. If you stress about those things that have nothing to do with you you'll find yourself with no time to sleep at night!