Fickle Creatures

I finally got the rough cut of a project I produced and starred in October - and man oh man, it must have been a bad day for me or something. The footage of my project made me want to quit acting. It wasn't THAT bad, it looks fantastic, just like the movie we were mocking. But I didn't go there 100%. I'm tired of getting back footage where I don't totally go for it, footage that leaves me disappointed, not bowled over or excited. So after all this time, that's all it took to make me want to quit. Not a mean casting director, or a cruel agent, or loosing out on a part- it was my own disappointment with my work. Of course everyone I show the footage to loves it, thinks it's hilarious, my director friend even said with astonishment 'you have such a great face for camera, you know that right?' and it is mostly good, it's really just at the end I don't go as far as I could have.

    I was worried about it too - since I was producing the shoot I knew that I didn't put as much time in preparing as I should have. Moreover, I didn't totally understand the level of prep I needed to do at that time, I've only come to that understanding recently. I told one of my closest friend about this on Saturday, right after he expressed his pangs of jealousy that he never pursued acting after college. He was shocked. I usually keep a pretty sunny outward disposition about the industry, regardless of my own inner turmoil. This was the first time I'd ever said 'quitting' and 'acting' in the same sentence. Bizarrely enough, he recently struck up a slightly torrid affair with a pretty well known actress who's on TV. They get stopped everywhere they go. Even she talks about quitting. It seems to be the nature of the biz. It's a love/hate relationship.

    I'm not going to quit. That would be silly, and I don't even know what I would do with myself.

    I don't think I'll ever stop being my own toughest critic and I guess that's not such a bad thing.

    (and I will post a link to the video once we get the sound issues fixed, so you can all judge me harshly as well. :) )

--  Shawn Dempewolff

Comments

[Justine]

Hey Shawn - you're not alone, I think many actors really hate watching their own footage, you know? I've read that a lot of really famous actors don't like to watch their films on screen.

I kind of identify with you about not going there all the way - I know there's been times when I did that too. Not just in plays, but I even remember one acting class where the teacher told me I wasn't committing to the scenes. For the next class, I worked SO hard. I told myself it was a make-or-break thing, I had to prove to myself that I could do it. As it turned out, I got great feedback on my next scene (as did my scene partner) and the teacher told us she would have cast us in that play if she had been the director. It was great to get that kind of validation. :)

Sorry to go off on a personal tangent - my point is - I can relate, and I bet others can relate, too. Sometimes just recognizing that you have to work on it means that you CAN do it. Based on your past posts, it sounds like you're a very talented actor (I haven't yet seen your work, so I can't really weigh in) so definitely don't give up. You'll keep on getting better and better, I bet. :)

P.S. I remember another class where a girl did a scene twice and did so much better the second time (after getting the teacher's critique and suggestions). He praised her, but she said, "I just wish I could get there easier." he said, "Well, that's why we come to class." :)