Unscripted - A Blog for Actors - Backstage: The Rock Star I Want To Be

Not long ago, fellow blogger Heather Tocquigny wrote about her admiration for Rachel McAdam's screen test for The Notebook and totally beat me to the punch! I was going to write about a similar experience I had when I watched Shohreh Aghdashloo's audition on the bonus section of the DVD for House of Sand and Fog. Her audition was so compelling that if forever changed the way I looked at auditioning and solidified my status as a super fan of her work. It was so memorable that I don't even feel bad about being a copycat blogger! And besides, didn't my mother always say that copycatting was the highest form of flattery?

If you haven't seen the movie or read the book, beware: it may break your heart. It is a haunting tale worth seeing and it showcases some wonderful acting, but if you don't have two hours to spare, rent it or Netflix it just to watch Shohreh's audition. Like Rachel McAdam's screen test, it's nothing glossy: the quality is okay, the sound isn't great its...an audition. But watch the magic in her eyes. See how she seamlessly transitions from scene to scene, some with almost no lines, and builds to the final crescendo. I actually felt like I watched her become younger and then grow older in the span of approximately two minutes. It's just incredible.

I don't want to be a name dropper, but I found myself at an intimate party with her a few years ago. I was transfixed. She just radiated this warmth and confidence that acted like a magnet on everybody around her. My boyfriend literally forced me to say hi because he had never seen me in such awe. I don't know what I mumbled, but she hugged me and I left feeling warmer and happier.

Last week, my journalist friend invited me to a lunch with Shohreh and her publicist. She knew I was a super fan and that it would make my day. I didn't remind Shohreh that I had met her years ago, but no matter. She was the same lovely person. She laughed and hugged and listened intently. She smelled sweeter than anybody I've ever smelled. She even ducked out to "go to the bathroom" and paid for our lunches before dashing out. Point is: that is the kind of rock star that I want to be. Fiercely talented. Intelligent. Insatiably curious. An ocean of emotions. Joyous. Open. Somebody that makes people feel better than they did five minutes ago. None of that celebrity crap you read in US Weekly. None of the diva antics I almost expect at this point. And, oh yes, she's another example of an actor with an incredible career that blossomed, at least in the United States, later in life.

Tomorrow, I'm starting the internship I mentioned in a previous blog. I've been very very superstitious about the whole thing because 1. I hadn't received a start date and 2. Movies fall through every day for a variety of reasons and 3. I have a fear of being "fired" in the first two weeks! I'm working on a really high profile project and anytime that happens, people just love to jump in and share stories about who has worked with whom and how much of a nightmare they have been in the past. Essentially, they're trying to scare me. My boss at my day job has kindly approved an unorthodox schedule for the time being because she recognizes this as a big opportunity and has high hopes for me too. I feel very lucky.

Without a doubt, the actor/director I will be working with is brilliant. She is intense and passionate and terrifying all at once, and that's a good thing. She also possess a rock star quality that I want to emulate and never lose no matter how successful or unsuccessful I become: self awareness. Brilliant and crazy is fine, but brilliant and crazy with no self awareness is not fine. I think I'm gonna be a-okay.

I've worked with a lot of people in this industry who have absolutely no self-awareness and no concerns about how they treat other people. It's the reason this business gets a bad reputation and sometimes the reason that I question what I'm doing. That's why I focus on a few people, mentors really, who have their cake and share it too. Should I be so lucky to become a rock star like either of these two ladies, I would hope that I'd sneak off to pay for your lunch too, let you run to auditions and pump you up on the way out, listen and laugh with you and just be well, who I am right now, but with a few more credits. It sounds easy, but take a look around you. Apparently, it's not.

--Stacey Jackson

Comments

Stacey - seems like some really exciting stuff is happening for you out there! I just wish i knew all these people's names so I could gauge how amazing it really is! Keep up the good work!

Posted by: Shawn Dempewolff | July 10, 2009 at 11:59 AM