When Your Best Friend Can't Act

You and Susie are besties.  You have been best friends since you were three.  Coincidentally, you're both out in Los Angeles to pursue acting careers. Here's the scenario:  Your BFF Susie asks you to view her new demo reel.  She's excited.  You know because she says, "I'm super excited!"  A feeling grips your gut like you have just eaten too many McDonald's Egg McMuffins after a night of excessive Buttery Nipple shots.

What are you going to do? Your mind races as you sweat profusely.  This can't be good.  It can't.  You know it can't be good because she isn't.  She isn't good, not even mediocre.  She's bad, very very bad.  Your Granny has more talent in her arthritic knees!

Susie studied at the School of How-to-be-the-Worst-Actor Academy and she was the star student. So, you smile politely and tip-toe gingerly to the refrigerator.

 "Where are you going, I'm putting it on," she squeals.

"I know, I know. Just chill I'm getting a beer.  Ya know with all great movies you need popcorn and some beer right?"  You're now stuttering.

She pops her head up and gleefully replies, "Oh yeah do we have popcorn?"
"No," you bark bluntly

Then it happens.  She presses play on her demo reel. Let's see, her picture is good.  Yeay, you are pleasantly surprised. That'll give you something positive to comment on.  You wait. You wait.

Then... A loud scream goes off in your head like an awful ambulance siren in Paris (you can't scream out loud, of course).  Just as you thought, she's horrible.  It's embarrassing.  Her eyebrows are dancing all over the place.  Susie over enunciates and acts really big, over-the-top like the person who she's talking to is deaf and blind.  By the way, the scene is in a church.

Very quickly you are lost in your thoughts...what to say, what to say.  Before you  know it, it's over.  You can feel the tiny beads of sweat gathering at your hairline.

 She jumps up and chirps wildly.  "So, isn't it awesome?  I'm really proud of this reel."

"Yes and you should be.  You should be very proud.  I like your enunciation and your passion to get the intention across, very intense.  Oh and your picture rocks!"

Then you chug the rest of the beer like an insane drunkard who has just fallen off the wagon.
She hugs you.  Slightly buzzed and feeling great now, you declare the night a victory.

You pull Susie by the arm.  "Well that was great.  Wanna go get a beer at Frankie's Pub?"

Another chapter on another demo reel is officially closed.  Well, we can't all be honest Abes. 

Sometimes some things are just better left unsaid.

-- Heather Langone