A Master Thespian

Okay so you graduated top of your class from the prestigious Yale School of Drama.  After some amazing reviews for Off-Broadway shows, you head to L.A. for fame, fortune and best of all the critical acclaim that you have always craved.

After about a month in Hollweird, you're a little discouraged, the game is a little tougher then you supposed.  Agents out here don't care as much as you thought about Yalies.  They actually could care less. 

You keep hearing, "Well we like you but you need more credits."  To which you reply, "I appeared at Playwrights Horizons and Manhattan Theatre Club over ten times...in starring roles!  Can't you see that on my resume?"  To which the rebuttal is a nasty, "This is L.A., kid, I don't care what you did on stage.  Sure you're good, obviously, but go get some credits." 

So you bust your hiney until finally a break arrives just in time.  You land a top commercial agent.  It's not going to lead to the Oscars, but it maybe to the Oscars by way of the Cleo's. You decide you'll do Equity Theatre as well so that you can stay appreciated and hone your skills.

You go out on Jock Itch commercials, Valtrex (Herpes relief) commercials, Trojan (at least it's Magnum), Head &Shoulders and Pepto Bismol.  Oh good grief, your respect is in the loo, literally.  You keep your chin up and eyes focused on the prize and just keep going. 

Then you get a call-back, finally!  Oh Lord it's for Valtrex! So you grin and bear it, but inside you are crumbling, you are a serious actor not a STD product pusher.  Then at least a little relief, you get an audition for Foster Farms. Great, you can play a concerned Dad or a school teacher or the like.  Finally you could get some tape that shows you have at least some camera skills.  And just like that another call-back, your agent loves you. 

Then a week later, you get a call from your agent saying you are on avail for three commercials, call immediately!  You are so jazzed about the cash and the tape that you don't even think to ask which ones.  He tells you that you are in luck.  None of the shoot dates conflict!  Yeah, you are going to book!  He rattles off the products; you don't even hear.  You hang up and call your mom.  Now who's the broke actor, huh, huh?  Then another week later it's like Christmas!  You booked all three.  Now you settle down and get serious with your blackberry and your 'actor' schedule. 

You clear all the dates and then it hits you.  You have booked Valtrex, Trojan Magnum and the Foster Farms commercial.  While horribly humiliated by the thought of filming the Valtrex and Trojan commercials, you're relieved that the Foster Farms commercial films first.  It will be your first foray into TV and if you remember the copy correctly, it was pretty Joe Average Guy.  But oh not so fast, the universe is very fond of cosmic jokes. 

The day before shooting you go for the fitting only to realize that you are going to be a giant walking egg, big white costume with yellow belly.  And yes your face is showing.  Within six weeks your Foster Farms, Trojan Magnum and Valtrex commercials are running...non-stop!  You have muted your phone because every one of your Yalie pals calls to rib you. You are now a recluse.  You were supposed to be a respected Thespian and now you're the butt of jokes.  You sit at home sulking with your bottle of Belgian Kriek, Rings Dings and perpetually running Brando film festival.  When you finally do emerge weeks later, smelly and with rickets, you decide you should at least go check your mail.  And there it is, the evidence that you have finally arrived as an actor, big paychecks for the first cycle of all your commercials. 

Eh...respect is over-rated anyway!

-- Heather Langone

Comments

[Lindsay Price]

Ah the reality of acting. The stuff you can never tell high school students with stars in their eyes, cause they'll never, never believe you...

My husband likes to say he spent four years in theatre school so he could turn his head to the left...

[Jordan Keller]

First time I booked a commercial out of college, I was positively giddy. This past easter I landed a spot as the easter bunny. Life's too short to take yourself too seriously. Have fun (And pay your bills)