How a Sassy Gay Friend Could Have Saved Hamlet's Ophelia...

Our favorite dialogue exchange:

Ophelia: Hamlet loves me no more!

Sassy Gay Friend: So we kill ourselves? Kill ourselves?! This is Hamlet we're talking about, okay? Hamlet! There is something rotten in Denmark, and it's his piss-poor attitude.

Ophelia: He has been kind of hard to deal with lately.

Sassy Gay Friend: Ophelia, he stabbed your dad through a curtain.

-- Daniel Lehman