Booking High to On-Set Low - Are We Ever Completely Happy? - Unscripted - A Blog for Actors

I vividly remember the day my commercial agent called with my first national booking. Honestly, I was beginning to think that it was never going to happen. I just about fainted with joy when I learned that I had nabbed the job and that I would be getting my SAG card as a result of it. I called everybody I knew. My mom called everybody she knew. It was just the awesomest of awesome days.

And then I shot the commercial.

It wasn't that the shoot was bad, necessarily, it just wasn't...euphoric? The director yelled and barked, concentrated, uncomfortably so, on my chest and I left feeling like I had no idea if anything I did had been worthy. I came home all downtrodden and confused, which equally baffled my roommate. "But you just shot your first national commercial!" he said. "You should be excited!" I didn't get excited again until I saw the final product run on TV (it was a good spot, after all!) and I began receiving residuals for it.

Sometimes I think the best part about booking an on-camera job is the initial phone call and the days leading up to the shoot, and that the rest is all downhill. Oddly enough, I feel the exact opposite about theatre—that the phone call is the scary part (will I be able to pull this off?) and the performance is the high.

I know that I'm not alone in this feeling. Remember my friend "Sam" who booked the pilot? I saw him the day after the shoot and found myself in the position of cheering him up. "But you just shot a pilot!" I said. He explained that his day on set was, in fact, more stressful than fun. Some of his lines were cut, the crew was unorganized and not accustomed to working together, the space cramped and the director had barked orders with increasing frustration at him, not because he wasn't doing his job well, but as a result of his frustration with the project as a whole. The booking euphoria had been sucked out of my friend Sam and I tried desperately to put it into perspective for him.

Besides concentrating on the positive (you booked a job!), I think it's key to remember that at this stage in our careers and until we upgrade to leading, series regular or guest star roles, our role on set is often an ancillary function of the greater project. Nobody is going to be there to pat you on the back and say, "good job!" Likewise, the first day at a new job—any job—is always more stressful than fun. There's a learning curve. You don't know anybody and you don't yet know how each person prefers to work within the group. I have to believe this gets easier with time and practice.

I am constantly looking for ways to bring the focus and excitement of my theatre training onto a film set. It's a much choppier experience. There's a lot of sitting around. It's a more impersonal environment. Sometimes it just feels...strange. Inorganic. Rushed. And, as actors, we have so little control over the final product. Which is why, I'm guessing, film and tv stars often jump at the chance to return to the stage. It's also one of the reasons I'm contemplating moving to a city where theatre and film are equally respected.

I never aspired to have a TV/Film career until I moved to Los Angeles. Aside from the financial security it could offer, it never really appealed to me. I was all theatre, all the way. Sitcom work felt like a reasonable mixture of the two art forms and so I added that to my list of goals. I now appreciate and love both mediums and I aspire to keep things exciting and varied. But I gotta tell you, I'm experiencing a strong pull to return to my roots and sometimes I wonder how I moved so far away from them in the first place.

--Stacey Jackson